How to talk to your partner about having an STD?
People that meet in ideal world are having fun with each other and have intimate life with no problems, such as having an STD's history. Though there are a lot of people who assume that STD won't affect them somehow, the risk of getting a sexually transmitted disease is almost always present and no one knows this better than those who have this experience.
Once you've got the news about your sexual health problems and all the emotions calmed down a little, the first question that arises-what's next? What should and should not I tell to my partner? How should I start the subject? What will be his reaction? All this questions may leave you quite confused and embarrassed. In fact, bringing up such a delicate question is a quite a difficult task for most people. So let's talk about it closer.
Should I talk to my partner about having an STD?
If you know you have an STD, especially one of the incurable ones(Genital Warts, Herpes, Hepatitis, or HIV/AIDS)you may choose whether you should show hand or keep it secret, but there are certain reasons to be open about the issue:
- You both need to make a thought-out choice
- You have a chance to get closer to your partner
- You will decrease the risk of transmitting an STD
Keep in mind that one lie make many. Of course it's very hard for you to admit yourself you are infected with this kind of disease, but it would be much worse for your partner to find out he got the disease from you and you decided to withhold the disagreeable facts. This will be only worse for your relationships later.
Bringing up the STD problem, will make you both think about other intimate issues, like contraception or your partner's sexual health history. As you long as you keep such secrets from each other, it creates a lot of negative feelings for you. Telling your partner about STD will not only make the issue clear for both of you but builds up very special bond based on trust and openness.
If you care about your partner's health and don't want the STD to be spread, you will choose to tell him or her about your health condition. Nowadays most STD's are treated and if you decided to stay secret about it you make situation worse not only for yourself but for your partner two. Disease left untreated, especially those like syphilis or gonorrhea can result in very unpleasant consequences. It's even better to use sex toys in order to avoid the risk. Though never share sex toys with your partner as this can even worsen the situation.
When is the right moment to start?
First thing you need to get ready for is to be informed yourself about the STD. In what manner you would want to hear the unpleasant news? What would you want to hear? Try to put yourself on your partner's place. Your partner may be interested in the possible risk and the way you manage with your STD.
The time you are well-informed about your STD and you feel your relationship has turned to a closer level of trust and you haven't had sexual intercourse yet, is the best for telling the truth. The worst time for rising up the issue is when you got intimate in bed. When the arousal is high, your partner may feel rather trapped. Choosing your partner's birthday is also a bad idea to start this kind of talk.
How to tell your partner?
- Choose the right place
- Be confident and self-composed
- Give your partner some time
Basically, choose a more neutral place where both of you can be alone and comfortable. Some people don't have enough courage to tell about their STD in eye to eye contact and may choose to write a mail or some other way to avoid personal talk. Though this can be one of the possible ways to settle the matter, face-to-face is nevertheless better as you will have a better perception of your partner's reaction.
The fact that you have an STD shouldn't make you feel guilty for all the "deadly sins." Anyone can get an STD just having a single sexual act. All you do is make yourself open about your personal experience. Try to keep confident and avoid showing distress feelings. You partner may be not quite familiar with the peculiarities of the STD you have and your emotions can make him or her think that things are much worse than it is actually.
Your partner may react aggressively or feel at a loss. Try to stay calm as such a reaction may be quite normal. It's better to leave your partner alone and give him some time after you've cleared out all the questions about your STD. But he or she may need to think over the issue and make a right decision.
What if...
You should expect any reaction from your partner. It can be hard for him or her to accept your STD. Many people have fear of the possible rejection and this possibility cannot be excluded. It's even harder if you will actually be rejected, be it verbally or not. Chances that you will get a negative answer are much lower, if you have trustful and close relationships and if you really mean a lot to your partner. You both may need some time without actual intercourse or just use sex toys for a while before things are more or less clear. If he or she is finally making a decision to leave, just take this decision. In some other and more difficult situation your partner may leave you as well. It's better to know his feelings right now.
And don't blame yourself. You have every chance to have a happy sex life with your partner!
